Goodbyes are so hard.

I’ve been with “my” girls since they were itty bitty, teensy tiny little 3 month olds. Basically just little eating, sleeping, and pooping blobs of cuteness. I’ve watched them hit each of their milestones – first time sitting up, first crawl, first steps, first words, etc. I’ve been there to kiss their boo-boos, hold their hands as they toddled around unable to walk on their own, and to clap the loudest as they mastered things they’d been working on for weeks.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. After 4 wonderful years, my job with the girls is coming to a close. Their mom’s job is changing so she’ll be able to be home with them and they’ll be starting preschool in the fall. It’s one of those things that as a nanny you know is inevitable. You know the entire time you’re working with them that they aren’t your kids, and while you’ve been lucky enough to have been involved in their daily lives for a few years, it’s going to come to an end at some point. Of course that doesn’t make the goodbye any easier. They say it’s a grieving process. I’d definitely agree with that.

When you’re in a child’s life almost daily for so long, especially from infancy, you form a strong bond with them. You can’t help it. That bond is something extremely important in their development. But it also makes moving on that much harder.

I’ve had just about every worry and thought pass through my mind about not seeing them every day. Ranging from “will they forget me?” to “will I love my next kids as much as I love them?” I know I will, but I still can’t help but think that. My first thought was “I don’t want them to think I abandoned them.” Realistically, I know they won’t. We’ve talked about it every day since the decision was made. We’ve talked about how I’ll always be their nanny, but I’m going to take care of other kids now. M doesn’t want to hear that I have interviews or that I have to go talk to someone about taking care of their babies and I get that. But I also think it’s important to keep them aware of what’s happening so it doesn’t seem like it snuck up on them. I want them to be prepared for it.

It’s definitely going to be a transition period, for them and for me. Its going to be extremely hard not seeing them everyday and I’m going to miss our conversations and their laughter the most. I’ll still be in their life and plan on having special dates with them where we go do something extra fun, but man, it’s going to be tough.

I can honestly say there hasn’t been a day that I’ve woken up and said “I don’t want to go to work” in the past 4 years. I think that’s pretty special. I’ve truly been incredibly lucky and blessed to have had this job and for so long.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”

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